The Longest Goodbye

Dear Lakehoma Family,

I can remember the first day I walked into Lakehoma as a teacher like it was yesterday. My nerves had my stomach in knots and my heart started to pound the moment I unlocked my door and stared at my unoccupied classroom, envisioning it full of excited students, all relying on me to teach them. Yesterday, as I locked my classroom for the last time, my stomach was in knots just the same, but my heart pounded, then broke into pieces on the tile floor as I imagined someone else standing where I have for the last 9 years. I have endured (and also chosen) a lot of hard things over the years. This ranks right up there as one of the most difficult.

Today, as I reflected on all of my teammates who have stuck by my side, I was reminded of how very, very blessed I have been through these last 9 years. I have made some incredible friends, taught some amazing students, and made countless memories. I would have never believed in myself enough to take this next step were it not for some very, very extra-special coworkers.

To Paula: Thank you. You have been my mentor, friend, safe place, and reinforcement. I could not have survived some years without you. I owe so much to you, for without you, I would have been in the loony bin long ago. I have learned so many things from you, and I love you very much. You are, without a doubt, the most dedicated person I have ever known.

To Miranda: I love you My Friend. You have done hard things. You have listened. You have acted when no one else would. You have been there when lots of others were not. You are selfless and you have taught me a lot about being a better person. I will miss you every single day.

To Cindy & Liz: You two are a force. You make things happen, and you make it look easy. I admire and respect you both, and you have been a sounding board over the years for many, many things. You've talked me off of ledges and pushed me off of others. I will miss you both so much. Thank you.

To Sheri: Your quiet grace and understanding are beautiful. You are calm and collected when most would not be, and you see so much good in the world. You were a raft on an ocean on the bad days, and I love that about you. You will be missed.

To Karis: I'm so glad you joined our team 2 years ago. You are so much fun and provided some much-needed comic relief. I loved being your partner this year and I'm certain that many more kids will be touched by your math wizardry as the years go by. Thanks for listening this year!!!

To Vicki: Even though you left 2 years ago, that hole was never filled. You were my partner-in-crime, my work mom, and my favorite. I still miss you, and I've often found myself wishing I could open that closet door to tell you some random something. Love you!

To Jenny: Thank you for helping me get my foot in the door, for directing me as I tried to navigate my first years, and for taking a step back when I needed to find my own way. You will always be loved, my "other mother."

To Shawna: It is rare to have a boss you love. You are an encourager, a friend, and a wonderful principal. The fact that your door is always open is rare, and your willingness to help is always appreciated. We grew up together, teacher and principal, and I'd like to think that even as we move apart in proximity, we will stay close as friends.

To Anita and Jill: You two are too much fun! You've known me forever, and you've loved me like your own. I could not have done my job each day without you both. You are equally loved.

It seems fitting to end there, with the first and last people I saw on a daily basis. I could go on and on, but I won't. 

I've watched people wordlessly come and go over the years, and it always seemed too abrupt. You don't leave a place like Lakehoma unchanged. You all deserve the love and appreciation you've earned to be put out into the world, to be spoken and heard. And so it has been...

Amber

What About Bob?

Since I have had so many questions about the newest addition to our family, I decided I would do a lengthier review than the space of a status update would allow. I am referring to our new bObsweep Pet-Hair Robotic Vacuum and Mop; we affectionately call him Bob. 

I have wanted a robotic vacuum for years, but the price tag has always been the main deterrent. In past years, when my Christmas money started burning a hole in my pocket, I would spend hours looking longingly at the Roomba, and then quickly close my Amazon browser before my mouse-clicking hand could override my brain. This year, however, I came across a Groupon too good to be true, and I jumped at the chance to finally purchase my very own little cleaning robot. 

When Bob arrived, I noted how thorough the packaging was...it included everything I could imagine a vacuum would need, and more. Replacement parts, a concise owner's manual (because let's face it, I don't have time to read anything thicker than a Llama Llama book these days), cleaning tools, and even a little screwdriver! I'm easily impressed. Once I did the few things needed to get Bob ready, I plugged him in to charge, reluctantly waiting until the next day to test him out. 

Why such excitement? Well, I'm not ashamed to say this; our house is dog-friendly. That means dog hair is constantly everywhere. Piled in the corners, woven through the strands on our rug, and even occasionally floating in our drinks. It's the price we pay for having 2 high-shedding dogs. And while we wouldn't trade them for anything, I do get sick of the hair. No matter how much we vacuum, we can't seem to stay on top of the daily furmageddon. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I knew he had the potential to be life-changing!

On his first run, he did manage to run into just about every single thing in our entire house. Many times. But he's a fairly quick learner. And he cleaned under my couches! UNDER MY COUCHES!! That alone was worth the price for me! He goes along my walls, cleans under tables and chairs with relative ease, and manages to find his charger when he is done cleaning (usually after about 45 minutes). No matter how many times he has cleaned during the week, his dustbin is always surprisingly and disgustingly full of dust and hair. We mainly have tile and wood, but he did just fine on our patterned rug and carpet once we blinded him. The diagonal lines apparently made him think he was going to fall off the edge of something; this prompted a pretty hilarious jig all over the living room before I finally decided to rescue him. He is a little louder than I thought he would be, but nowhere near as noisy as our Dyson. The dogs give him a wide berth, and Addison follows him around watching him clean, which is an added bonus. How do you think I'm getting time to write this review?! ;-)

He does have a few drawbacks. He doesn't always clean every spot that I think he should, and sometimes I catch him going back to a certain spot over and over, which is a little annoying. I find that if I just let him work without watching him, I am a lot happier. As long as the dustbin is full at the end of his run, I try not to nitpick. After all, after just 4 hours, I can put him to work again! 

If I had it to do all over,  I would purchase him again in a heartbeat. To all of our future visitors who prefer their environments hair-free, you're welcome! 

Meet Bob. I just love his shiny red color! 

This is Bob's dustbin today after Erik vacuumed just last night with our Dyson. Full and dirty!

Footloose and Fancy Three...

Dearest Daughter,

As your daddy and I tucked you in tonight, I couldn't help but reflect on our past three years as a family. I can hardly believe you are three today. The years we spent waiting and praying for you are not lost on me. I never tire of thanking God for you. You are the best parts of us, all rolled into a spunky, brilliant, silly little girl.

The past two birthdays I have written you a long letter, but this year, I thought a little rhyme was more appropriate. Currently your favorite books to read all rhyme, and after reciting them to you every day, the rhyming has become kind of contagious.

Our start of year two was a little rough
Your sleeping schedule made it tough

Your transition to a big girl bed
Filled my heart with so much dread

You were stubborn in your potty training 
When you finally got it, you had us exclaiming

Your adoration for Cars grew every day
Though Momma hoped for princess play

You are able to recognize so many words
You can count to 20; it seems quite absurd

You continue to have books as your favorite toys
You'll read for hours, making no noise

You still pretend to be a cat when you feel shy
But deep down you are tough, and rarely cry

You lost Koda this year, your very best friend
"She's in heaven," you say. You help our hearts mend

You sing so sweetly to Jesus each day
My favorite part of each night is hearing you pray

You have brought us so much joy and laughter
I cannot wait to write our family's next chapter

I couldn't possibly imagine loving you more
I will cherish each moment until you turn four!


XOXOXOXO
Momma

The Santa Squabble

Not since our decision to keep Addison an only child have I had to defend such a personal choice so often. It is mind-boggling to me that people feel the need to interject their judgement, criticisms, and derision into a conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with their lives. I'm not bitter...just surprised. So, once again, I am blogging about a decision we have made for our family in hopes that I will not have to defend myself even one more time.

We are not doing the whole Santa thing. 

Now, I could list the reasons, but honestly, I don't want to. And none of them would be good enough for someone who does not agree with them anyway. But if you are open-minded and interested in our reasons (and what we will do instead of Santa), this blog (most of this one) (oh, and this one) is almost exactly what I would have written, were I so eloquent.

I will, however, say the following:

My decision to leave Santa out of Christmas has no bearing on anyone else's life. We get that people may think our decision is ridiculous, but to say that you "feel sorry for Addison" is just not okay. I know what Addison is and is not "missing out on" as Erik and I both grew up with Santa. For the record, if she someday decides to do Santa for her own children, we will completely support her, and we will even pay for her therapy should she decide her own Santa-less childhood has scarred her in some way.

I do not go searching for this conversation. It seems like inevitably someone daily asks about what Santa is bringing Addison or asks when she is having pictures with Santa. Because I have trouble being articulate under pressure and because most people are very defensive regarding this particular tradition, "We aren't really doing the whole Santa thing," always leads to a very awkward and abrupt end to the conversation. I am open to suggestions on alternative answers.

It doesn't mean that we think someone is/was a bad parent because their children believe(d) in Santa. No one needs to defend themselves to us. I promise that we don't care. We will not go home and talk about anyone behind their back. Our decision is not an indictment on anyone else's parenting.

We understand that people are very upset about the thought of Addison potentially ruining Santa for their children. I can assure everyone that when she is old enough to ask questions, we will make sure that she is fully briefed on how to respond to statements/inquiries about Santa. We will even role play. She will not run around breaking Santa figurines like some terrifying pint-sized Grinch or scream "Santa's not real!!" in the middle of the school program. We won't need an annual December quarantine.

In the end, we all have to prayerfully make the best decisions for our own families, and stay true to our personal convictions in the face of criticism. We wish all of you a very Merry Christmas, and may we all remember the true reason for the season.

Two Too Old

My Dear Daughter,

I absolutely cannot believe that today you are two years old. People constantly tell me not to blink while reminding me how quickly you will grow. Unfortunately, I don't need a reminder; I see it daily in your changing face, your new words, and your piles of too-small clothes. Today is bittersweet, as I'm sure all of your birthdays will be. I am so proud of you as you grow, and yet I want to keep you my baby forever.

This year has seen you acquire so many new skills! We are often left breathless keeping up with your quest for knowledge. The minute you feel confident in one skill, you are ready to learn something new and are not content to review old things. You have mastered the art of puzzles, you know all of your letters and their sounds, and you can name all of the numbers on sight. You frequently point them out as we stand waiting to check out at the local grocery store. Counting to 11 is a piece of cake for you and you know all of your colors too...even the hard ones like gray. You have also started picking out simple sight words like "is" and "the" in your books, much to our astonishment. You frequently string together thoughts that surprise us, and although we still can't understand everything you say, I know that someday you will hold us captive with your stories and observations.

We see your personality developing each day, but in many ways, you are still very similar to the baby I held just one year ago. You still love to dance with abandon, although now you don't hesitate to scream a song at the top of your lungs while doing it. Currently you especially like "Let it Go" and "Shake It Off," and you will ask us to play the songs over and over while you try to learn all of the words. You are still so very head-strong; you keep us on our toes as you change your mind often, but emphatically. You ALWAYS have an opinion on what you want to eat, what we'll watch on television, and even what you'll wear out of the house. You are so, so tough. You rarely show pain, and after falling you will dust your hands off and say, "I'm okay Mama!" no matter how scary the tumble seems to me. We call you our little "Warrior Princess."  Even though you are very independent, much like your mama, you still have a sweet streak a mile wide. Your hugs and kisses make our day, and we know the dogs secretly love them too. You make sure to say a sweet goodbye to each child by name at your daycare, and "Min-Min" frequently tells us how precious you are. You have made an impression on so many hearts, my child!

We still love trying to predict what you will become someday. We haven't ruled out anything involving books, as you can spend literally hours reading to yourself. Us getting to read to you is a luxury rarely allowed. Your obsession with the nightly appearance of the moon has prompted us to throw astronomer or astronaut into the mix, while your love of all things furry still has me proclaiming you to be a future vet. We know that God has given you the gifts and tools to be absolutely anything.

We are so looking forward to this coming year with our sassy, spunky "Miss Independent," and all of the new things it will hold for us all. From tackling potty-training to our first hotel stay as a family, there are sure to be many fun memories made and stories to tell. You enrich every aspect of our lives, my child, and we love you more than you could ever imagine. Happy Birthday My Sunshine!

All my love,

Mama

The Restoration Project...Part 5

#5 The Commonality Conundrum 

Things have been absolutely nonstop for months and months, but tonight I actually have some time to myself. I'm supposed to be grading on this quiet evening. Hence the reason for starting this series back up after a considerable absence. Procrastination is one of my favorite pastimes, and I've always been quite adept at it. Hey, speaking of pastimes...

Erik and I have just about nothing in common. He likes to work out and run; I don't even like to THINK about exercising. He enjoys Star Trek; I prefer just about anything else (I draw the line at a dentist visit). He could care less about football; I grew up singing Boomer Sooner before I even knew the alphabet. I am a fairly voracious reader (when I can make the time), preferring well-written novels and only picking up a non-fiction book if it guarantees to "read like fiction." Erik likes his books true and even then only sparingly. On a vacation, I want to go places I've never gone and see things I teach about but have only seen in textbooks. He likes his vacations beach-side with as little "going" as possible. These things may sound trivial, but our lack of similarities has been one of the biggest obstacles to us feeling fulfilled in our marriage.

There are moments when I can't help but wonder sometimes if we are the ONLY couple on the planet that seems so polar opposite. I know couples who take lake trips every weekend, go to football games in matching shirts, or even *shudder* RUN MARATHONS together, and I can't help but feel a little despondent. We have tried to chase away the voices in our heads in many ways. We have gone ahead and begrudgingly done something we hate doing under the guise of compromise, all the while quietly making it known that we are NOT enjoying the sacrifice. We have tried doing our OWN things and just leaving it at that. We have talked about it until we are blue in the face and even tried to change each other, thinking the other person wouldn't notice our incredibly subtle nudges. Instead, our counselor suggested we try something new and innovative...

We have begun trying to embrace the differences! Revolutionary, I know. Seriously though, when you begin to think of your partner's differences as strengths instead of annoyances, it makes you see your partner in a new light. I think the reason I have resented Erik's running is because it makes me, by comparison, feel like a lazy bum. On the upside, it does sort of inspire me to get off the couch. So our compromise is walking/jogging the dogs and baby together most evenings after dinner (when this crazy Oklahoma weather cooperates)...one of my new favorite family traditions. Also, we've started watching a sci-fi show occasionally together followed by a show of my choosing. Instead of playing with my phone all throughout "his" show and feeling like a closet nerd, I've started asking questions and trying to be present. He has agreed to letting me choose our next vacation spot (however far off that trip may be) and not just go, but put all of his effort into enjoying whatever we're doing! Our counselor also recommended trying to find a few NEW things we BOTH might like, and even gave us a list of unusual hobbies couples can do together. It sounds kind of silly, but it has helped us think outside the box. Now if we could just find the time to join a bowling league and restore a vehicle...

5K? OK...

HOW NOT TO TRAIN FOR YOUR FIRST 5K...

Recently, my dear friend asked me to join their relay team and run a 5K leg in the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. Apparently my fingers typed some sort of affirmative text, while my brain screamed, "No!!! Don't say yes...why?!? Why?!?" Clearly, I did not have my stuff together that day. Alas, I made a commitment and I am going to honor it, even if the entire relay team has to fashion some sort of interlocking-arm stretcher and carry me the last mile. (Don't be jealous that you didn't ask me to be on your team first). Anyway, I figured now that I am a total expert in not training at all, seeing that the relay is just a couple of weeks away, I will impart my wisdom upon you, so that you too, may follow in my slacking, procrastinating ways. After all, I need to beat SOMEONE come race day. It may as well be you...

Tip #1. Make sure that you sign up for said race just before you fall victim to some sort of stomach bug, flu, or illness that renders you useless in training for at least a good week or two.

Tip #2. Train with someone who runs so fast, you almost puke within the first 2 minutes of the run. This will ensure that you walk the other 30 minutes to relieve the stitch in your side, regulate your hyperventilating, prevent a heart attack, etc. Continue to ask said person to run with you each day and learn nothing from all previous experiences. 

Tip #3. On days when it is beautiful outside, make sure to grab the most disgusting fast food you possibly can on your way home. Once that food hits your tummy, it is only a matter of time before your  grease-coma sets in and you are on your way to another night of "24" marathoning. Do they make t-shirts for that? 

Tip #4. Plan to stay up late for no apparent reason every night...get a late start on grading, work until 7 or 8, watch "24" (seriously, do it), cheer on the Thunder in a game that doesn't start until you're already tired, write a blog, play games on your iPhone with maddening levels that force you to stay up just...one...more...minute. Yeah, all that. 

Tip #5. Notice all the cute outfits you can wear while running, and spend time shopping online for said outfits instead of training. Maybe no one will notice the limp and heavy perspiration if you look the part. I mean, MY SOCKS WILL HAVE FLAMES. Who can't take THAT seriously?!

Tip #6. Make sure that said race will fall on a day of inclemate weather, as it has for the past umpteen years of this particular marathon. I've been a spectator at many of these shindigs...it's pretty much been miserable every time. I mean, you can't exactly control the weather, but if you're in Oklahoma for any race, bad weather is pretty much a given. Then you can blame your injuries and slow time on the lack of visibility or slippery conditions and no one ever has to know that you have only run 3 times in as many months. 

Tip #7. Practice the post-race smile. You'll have to really cheese it up for this to work...I imagine the excruciating pain come race day will bring the cheese down to a believable notch for the picture. Everyone on Facebook will be impressed with your 5K abilities and consider you to be some sort of running expert forever after. 

Seriously though, I'm finishing this sucker, and finishing it well. If I can have a natural birth, work myself half to death on a weekly basis while being a decent mom, and survive testing week, I can run speed walk a 5K without training. Come cheer me on...maybe I'll see you through the fog.