#5 The Commonality Conundrum
Things have been absolutely nonstop for months and months, but tonight I actually have some time to myself. I'm supposed to be grading on this quiet evening. Hence the reason for starting this series back up after a considerable absence. Procrastination is one of my favorite pastimes, and I've always been quite adept at it. Hey, speaking of pastimes...
Erik and I have just about nothing in common. He likes to work out and run; I don't even like to THINK about exercising. He enjoys Star Trek; I prefer just about anything else (I draw the line at a dentist visit). He could care less about football; I grew up singing Boomer Sooner before I even knew the alphabet. I am a fairly voracious reader (when I can make the time), preferring well-written novels and only picking up a non-fiction book if it guarantees to "read like fiction." Erik likes his books true and even then only sparingly. On a vacation, I want to go places I've never gone and see things I teach about but have only seen in textbooks. He likes his vacations beach-side with as little "going" as possible. These things may sound trivial, but our lack of similarities has been one of the biggest obstacles to us feeling fulfilled in our marriage.
There are moments when I can't help but wonder sometimes if we are the ONLY couple on the planet that seems so polar opposite. I know couples who take lake trips every weekend, go to football games in matching shirts, or even *shudder* RUN MARATHONS together, and I can't help but feel a little despondent. We have tried to chase away the voices in our heads in many ways. We have gone ahead and begrudgingly done something we hate doing under the guise of compromise, all the while quietly making it known that we are NOT enjoying the sacrifice. We have tried doing our OWN things and just leaving it at that. We have talked about it until we are blue in the face and even tried to change each other, thinking the other person wouldn't notice our incredibly subtle nudges. Instead, our counselor suggested we try something new and innovative...
We have begun trying to embrace the differences! Revolutionary, I know. Seriously though, when you begin to think of your partner's differences as strengths instead of annoyances, it makes you see your partner in a new light. I think the reason I have resented Erik's running is because it makes me, by comparison, feel like a lazy bum. On the upside, it does sort of inspire me to get off the couch. So our compromise is walking/jogging the dogs and baby together most evenings after dinner (when this crazy Oklahoma weather cooperates)...one of my new favorite family traditions. Also, we've started watching a sci-fi show occasionally together followed by a show of my choosing. Instead of playing with my phone all throughout "his" show and feeling like a closet nerd, I've started asking questions and trying to be present. He has agreed to letting me choose our next vacation spot (however far off that trip may be) and not just go, but put all of his effort into enjoying whatever we're doing! Our counselor also recommended trying to find a few NEW things we BOTH might like, and even gave us a list of unusual hobbies couples can do together. It sounds kind of silly, but it has helped us think outside the box. Now if we could just find the time to join a bowling league and restore a vehicle...
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