Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Uncharted Territory

We are now entering into a new phase of pregnancy: somewhere we've never been before...we are past the dreaded 7th week! I measured 8 weeks today and the baby's heartbeat was 161 (a girl to all of you heart rate theorists). We've never seen a baby get this big or heard a heartbeat this strong.

That brings me to the next new phase of pregnancy...excitement. It's still tempered with caution, but the hopefulness is overtaking everything. Part of me feels like I should try to reign it in, but I don't want to. To think that staying cautious and negative will cushion bad news should it come has not served me well previously. I have still broken down. I have still struggled with whys and resentment. Ultimately, I don't want to miss out on the beauty and excitement of a viable pregnancy because of my past! I feel like it would be unfair to this baby to reflect back and guiltily think about how I didn't write in a pregnancy journal or keep my ultrasound pictures because I refused to let myself go there. He or she deserves a  normal-acting mommy-to-be so they can read about the hopes and dreams I have for them someday; so they can know with all that they are that mommy loved them from Day 1, not Week 40.

I don't know anyone that has this pregnancy journey all figured out. It's a difficult path to navigate even when you've never had a problem pregnancy. For me, sometimes facing the uncharted is better - there are no references to the past, no links to the disappointment. Friends, Welcome to Hopetown!

2 comments:

  1. Wow! Standing with you in prayer and so very excited for you!

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  2. Love this perspective of this part of the journey.

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