Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Uncharted Territory

We are now entering into a new phase of pregnancy: somewhere we've never been before...we are past the dreaded 7th week! I measured 8 weeks today and the baby's heartbeat was 161 (a girl to all of you heart rate theorists). We've never seen a baby get this big or heard a heartbeat this strong.

That brings me to the next new phase of pregnancy...excitement. It's still tempered with caution, but the hopefulness is overtaking everything. Part of me feels like I should try to reign it in, but I don't want to. To think that staying cautious and negative will cushion bad news should it come has not served me well previously. I have still broken down. I have still struggled with whys and resentment. Ultimately, I don't want to miss out on the beauty and excitement of a viable pregnancy because of my past! I feel like it would be unfair to this baby to reflect back and guiltily think about how I didn't write in a pregnancy journal or keep my ultrasound pictures because I refused to let myself go there. He or she deserves a  normal-acting mommy-to-be so they can read about the hopes and dreams I have for them someday; so they can know with all that they are that mommy loved them from Day 1, not Week 40.

I don't know anyone that has this pregnancy journey all figured out. It's a difficult path to navigate even when you've never had a problem pregnancy. For me, sometimes facing the uncharted is better - there are no references to the past, no links to the disappointment. Friends, Welcome to Hopetown!


  1. Wow! Standing with you in prayer and so very excited for you!

  2. Love this perspective of this part of the journey.