Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Now I know that I have many friends out there, who, at the risk of sounding like a #3, have refrained from asking all the questions that they have. It’s only human and I am a fellow recovering #3…we have a curious nature! The question that Erik and I have been hearing over and over is an all-encompassing “What now?” What a vast 7 letter question that is! First of all, we are waiting to get the test results back on the baby so we’ll know what we are dealing with. Is this just the infamous “bad luck” striking again? Is it a recurrent genetic problem? Is it me? Each result will naturally have a different scenario.

If it all comes down to our “luck”, then the first thing we are going to do is play the lottery, because our luck has GOT to change and luck owes us, BIG TIME. Following our imagined winning and spending, we will indeed try again. I really am committed this time around to giving my mind and body a healing period. I’m not going to plan, because that obviously hasn’t worked out so well in the past, but I would like for “luck” to visit us around May or June of this year.

If it is a recurrent problem, that poses a whole new round of possible solutions. We have considered surrogacy if the problem is on my end and even have a few amazing people in our lives that have offered to be a part of the selfless process. We have considered adoption as well. The mind-blowing thing about both of these options is the sheer cost. It is definitely an insult to injury. (This is where our lottery winnings will come in handy).  The only certainty at this point is that God is good, and whatever scenario we will inevitably face, we will do it with Him by our sides. 

1 comment:

  1. You answered my question of where you're going from here...I can't imagine being in your shoes but I'm glad to see you're still giving glory to God even when it seems like that's the last thing you'd feel like doing. He IS good and I pray you keep that truth in the forefront of all your thoughts. I'm 30, single, not a mom yet and have no signs that I will be in the next few years, but I hope when my time does come if any complications come my way I could be as open and transparent as you've been through your ordeal. I think the feeling you get from freeing yourself of the burden of unspoken thoughts and feelings is a gift we'd all give ourselves if we knew how cathartic and healing it could be before we forced a cork into the bottle of our emotions and fears. Kudos to you for opening your heart and mind for us to peer into; a woman's heart is terrain often left unexplored by many, but seeing what you've put out there of yours may make some of us realize how we're all in a similar boat of struggles, pain, hope, and faith, even if the details of the story differ. Much love, Holly